Reinventing myself…again and again

Today, I have the privilege of speaking at the Executive Unschool event, hosted by my friend Bree Johnson.

Bree and I first met in February 2021 when I attended a Powerhouse Women mastermind in Arizona. I showed up alone, uncertain of what I was looking for. Something inside of me just told me I should go.

The mastermind was for “community builders,” a label I had always worn proudly through my work and volunteer efforts. Yet, at that moment, I felt far from myself and any sense of community I might be building. It was a full-circle moment being able to speak at Bree’s event two years later with far more clarity about who I am, and who I want to be.

I can think back to a handful of moments in my life when I’ve felt that same uncertainty—a yearning to “reinvent” myself, to rediscover or redefine who I was.

I can think back to a handful of moments in my life when I’ve felt that same uncertainty—a yearning to “reinvent” myself, to rediscover or redefine who I was.

The first time came in the sixth grade when one of the popular boys in school looked at me and a group of his peers and declared that my twin sister was “cooler” than me. Ouch. As a 12-year-old and as a twin, trying to fit in was already a delicate balancing act. For weeks, I cried over his casual remark, devastated by the idea that I wasn’t cool enough. But then something shifted. A quiet, determined voice inside me said, Stop chasing people who don’t see you. I don’t know if that’s exactly what my 12-year-old self said, but there was a strength I uncovered in myself in that moment that I didn’t even have words for. I began leaning into the friendships that uplifted me and found strength in simply being myself—a lesson I’ve carried with me ever since. (And, as a bonus, those friendships I invested in that year are still center stage in my life 30 years later.)

Stop chasing people who don’t see you.

The second moment came when I left home for college. The third, when I moved to Denver, Colorado, by myself. Both times, I approached these fresh starts with the belief that I could reinvent myself entirely. Who did I want to be in these new chapters? The cool girl (finally?!)? The witty one? Fun? Warm? Each move felt like a blank canvas on which I could create a shinier version of myself. But time and again, I discovered that reinvention wasn’t about becoming someone else. It was about always being me and getting closer to who I truly was each step of the way.

But time and again, I discovered that reinvention wasn’t about becoming someone else. It was about always being me and getting closer to who I truly was each step of the way.

Most recently, I’ve found myself on another path of reinvention—this time, through the lens of my career. For 15 years, I served in leadership roles within community and economic development organizations. I poured my heart into the work, finding passion and pride in serving my community. My identity became tightly intertwined with my titles, awards, and accomplishments. But slowly I began to feel like there was something else I needed to do.

The shift was subtle at first—a nagging feeling of discontent, until I could no longer ignore it. As I waded through the deep questions about the universe that my existential crisis was presenting me, I experienced some of the hardest weeks of my life, lying in bed, feeling profoundly alone, and wondering if any of it was worth it.

As painful as those moments were, they became the launch pad for something new. When I finally found the courage to lean into the discomfort, to accept that I was changing and what I wanted was changing, I sought out the support I needed. Coaches, therapists, and trusted friends became my guides, helping me uncover the deeper wants and needs I had been ignoring.

Some things I worked on during this time included:

• learning to spend time by myself—museums, meals, days at home, and trips all became things I enjoyed solo once I leaned into the discomfort

• practicing patience with house projects, work projects, relationships, and more

• giving myself permission to feel what I was feeling and to talk about it

• keeping promises to myself—even the little things like washing my face at night add up to momentum and confidence

• quieting the “what ifs” and moving forward toward things I was afraid of

• reaching out to new people and communities

Through this work, I found clarity. I gave myself permission to embrace a new path—one that had always been calling me but that I had been too afraid to follow. I turned my obsession with personal development and coaching into my work and my new mission. And now, I spend my days helping others navigate their own journeys of self-discovery and reinvention.

Through that work, I found clarity. I gave myself permission to embrace a new path—one that had always been calling me but that I had been too afraid to follow.

At a recent event, someone shared a simple but profound thought: “I’m not becoming someone else. I’m unbecoming what I’m not.” Those words struck me deeply. Reinvention isn’t about chasing a shinier, more perfect version of ourselves. It’s about shedding the expectations, the “shoulds,” and the expectations we’ve outgrown. It’s about returning to ourselves.

The biggest lesson I’ve learned is that this work is never finished. Reinvention isn’t about becoming someone else and it’s not a destination; it’s a continuous journey of exploration. As we grow and change, and as the world around us shifts, we are invited—again and again—to recalibrate and realign.

If you’re considering your own reinvention, my advice is simple: slow down. Clear your calendar. Clear the clutter. Allow yourself to be. Sit with the discomfort, even when it feels unbearable. Listen—not to the noise of the world, but within.

You might be surprised by what you hear.

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About the author: Kelly (Underell) Stevens is an alignment coach and speaker dedicated to helping women leaders and entrepreneurs grow their impact and live life on their own terms by giving them the tools to choose less and show up for themselves. Learn more at www.kellystevens.co.