From inner critic to inner coach
…What you have to say is not unique or of value.
…They don’t get it.
…Nobody will show up.
…You aren’t smart enough.
…You aren’t pretty enough.
…That did NOT go well.
…You should just quit.
This is just a glimpse into the highlight reel of my inner critic these past few weeks. And let me tell you—she’s ruthless.
Would I ever let her say this to a friend? Of course not. So why do I let her talk to me this way?
Somehow she is able to tune out any positive feedback she gets, and instead focuses on guessing what people didn’t say—like a game of charades nobody in my life knows that they’re playing.
She’s worried about other people judging me, but the truth is, she’s the one doing the judging. She’s lived with me for a while now, so she knows exactly how to hit where it hurts. She’s a part of me.
I’d love to tell you that as a coach I’ve managed to shut down this saboteur completely with special mindset strategies, or I can wave a magic wand and make her disappear.
But, alas. She’s still with me.
Trying to protect me from rejection and failure. Trying to help me navigate the uncertainty of the unknown.
Staying small feels safe.
So when I take big leaps into new realms of possibility and opportunity, she gets even louder.
Shutting down her voice isn’t about silencing it completely. It’s learning how to recognize her intent, challenge it, and replace it with something more constructive.
When her voice gets loud, I shift from saboteur to inner coach:
What evidence do you have that this is true?
What advice would you give a friend feeling this way?
What part of this is yours to control and what part do you need to let go of?
What can you learn from this?
I love this quote from Tara Mohr (Playing Big) “We can’t wait until we feel confident to put ourselves out there. Courage comes first, confidence comes later.”
I’m doing my best to ask myself these questions and turn the volume down. To take the courageous step forward anyway.
If your inner critic has been extra loud lately, I hope you’ll try talking back. Challenge her. Question her. Because she’s not the voice of truth—she’s just a scared part of you trying to keep you safe.
And you, my friend, are meant for so much more than safe.
If you’re seeking more support and information on this topic, I recommend:
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About the author: Kelly (Underell) Stevens is an alignment coach and speaker dedicated to helping women leaders and entrepreneurs grow their impact and live life on their own terms by giving them the tools to choose less and show up for themselves. Learn more at www.kellystevens.co.